Diet

Boyfriend is on a diet.

I: "So when are you going to get your bikini body back?"
Boyfriend: Glares.  "When are you going to get your bikini body back?"
I: "I have my bikini body...it's just not a very pretty one."

I like to...

I like to...
               ...sneak up on Boyfriend while he has his headphones on...
...and breathe down his neck...
                                          ...because it amuses me...
                         ...when he shrieks like a banshee.

Model

Boyfriend: Checks work email. "Crap, the photo shoot is at 7 in the morning."
I: "How come they're using you as the model?"
Boyfriend: Glares.
I: Looks pointedly at Boyfriend's perpetual bed hair.
Boyfriend: Glares.
I: "No, seriously. How come they're using you?"
Boyfriend: "Because I'm beautiful."

Relapse?

I: "Since your wrist is healed and you've got the place to yourself on Tuesday, why don't you mow the lawn?"
Boyfriend: "What if I have a relapse? In fact, I think it's happening now."

Diet?

I: "Do you want some strawberries and cream?"
Boyfriend: "Yeah I want!"
I: Spoons cream into a bowl.

Boyfriend: "Not so much cream, I'm on a diet." Gets a Tim Tam.
I: "I thought you said you were on a diet?"
Boyfriend: "I was going to have two Tim Tams, but I'm on diet so I'm only having one. I'm a swapper. Instead of two, I'm only having one tim tam."

What fight?

Boyfriend: "I want to enjoy my day off today, so no arguing. We've fought all week."
I: "We haven't been 'fighting', I've just been giving you directions..."

Broadband

After 6 months of attempting to connect to Telstra Broadband...finally...

Telstra technician: "You have Broadband now."
Boyfriend: "I want to marry you." Stares dementedly at technician...Is seriously thinking of posing for a photo with technician.
Telstra technician: "Um, I think I can do this alone. You don't have to watch..."

The next morning...
Boyfriend: Dashes off to buy modem...is late for work once again...

Later that night...
Boyfriend: Attempts to set up interntet...swears...calls Telstra...gets nowhere. After two more phone calls, decides to check the connections at home. Finds a few wires out of place. Has "I can fix this' look on his face.
I: Sees Boyfriend's "I can fix this" face. Has some serious misgivings. Keeps mouth shut (for once!)
Boyfriend: "Do you know where my leatherman is?"
I: "Where you left it last."
Boyfriend: After ten minutes of banging around, finds leatherman. Sets to work.
I: Is trying hard not to say..."Shouldn't you wait for a technician?"...has learnt her lesson in the past...

An hour later...

Boyfriend: "You want the good news or the bad new first?"
I: Groans. Does mental head slap.
Boyfriend: "The bad news is the phone no longer works."
I: Sighs. "And the good news is?"
Boyfriend: "We still have wireless."