I like to...

I like to...
               ...sneak up on Boyfriend while he has his headphones on...
...and breathe down his neck...
                                          ...because it amuses me...
                         ...when he shrieks like a banshee.

Model

Boyfriend: Checks work email. "Crap, the photo shoot is at 7 in the morning."
I: "How come they're using you as the model?"
Boyfriend: Glares.
I: Looks pointedly at Boyfriend's perpetual bed hair.
Boyfriend: Glares.
I: "No, seriously. How come they're using you?"
Boyfriend: "Because I'm beautiful."

Relapse?

I: "Since your wrist is healed and you've got the place to yourself on Tuesday, why don't you mow the lawn?"
Boyfriend: "What if I have a relapse? In fact, I think it's happening now."

Diet?

I: "Do you want some strawberries and cream?"
Boyfriend: "Yeah I want!"
I: Spoons cream into a bowl.

Boyfriend: "Not so much cream, I'm on a diet." Gets a Tim Tam.
I: "I thought you said you were on a diet?"
Boyfriend: "I was going to have two Tim Tams, but I'm on diet so I'm only having one. I'm a swapper. Instead of two, I'm only having one tim tam."

What fight?

Boyfriend: "I want to enjoy my day off today, so no arguing. We've fought all week."
I: "We haven't been 'fighting', I've just been giving you directions..."

Broadband

After 6 months of attempting to connect to Telstra Broadband...finally...

Telstra technician: "You have Broadband now."
Boyfriend: "I want to marry you." Stares dementedly at technician...Is seriously thinking of posing for a photo with technician.
Telstra technician: "Um, I think I can do this alone. You don't have to watch..."

The next morning...
Boyfriend: Dashes off to buy modem...is late for work once again...

Later that night...
Boyfriend: Attempts to set up interntet...swears...calls Telstra...gets nowhere. After two more phone calls, decides to check the connections at home. Finds a few wires out of place. Has "I can fix this' look on his face.
I: Sees Boyfriend's "I can fix this" face. Has some serious misgivings. Keeps mouth shut (for once!)
Boyfriend: "Do you know where my leatherman is?"
I: "Where you left it last."
Boyfriend: After ten minutes of banging around, finds leatherman. Sets to work.
I: Is trying hard not to say..."Shouldn't you wait for a technician?"...has learnt her lesson in the past...

An hour later...

Boyfriend: "You want the good news or the bad new first?"
I: Groans. Does mental head slap.
Boyfriend: "The bad news is the phone no longer works."
I: Sighs. "And the good news is?"
Boyfriend: "We still have wireless."

Carry on Tuesday #128: sitting alone listening to silence

Boyfriend and I are in the kitchen having a 'discussion'. It is the same 'discussion' we've been having since we moved in together.
"Why can't you empty the bins when they are full?" I ask.
"Why can't you tell me when the bins are full?" Boyfriend replies.
"How can you not tell when the bins are full?" I say raising my voice slightly.
"I can't be an expert on everything," Boyfriend counters.
"If you're resorting to putting rubbish on top of the bin. Then it's full," I yell.
"Sometimes my hands are too full. I can't open the bins," Boyfriend says.
I give him the 'look'. "You don't need hands to open the lid. That's why there's a foot pedal!"
"Well...why can't you empty the bins then?"
"It's not my job!" I yell waving the broom in my hands around like a mad woman.
"Since when is it my job?"
"Since I nominated you on the list."
"What list?" Boyfriend yells.
I point to the list on the fridge. Boyfriend glances at it briefly. It is his turn to give me the 'look'.
"I do most of the chores around here," I say.
Boyfriend huffs and roll his eyes. Before he can say anything else, I decide to make a quick exit lest I give in temptation and resort to violence. I sit on the porch steps and sulk instead.
A few minutes later Boyfriend follows me outside.
"Watcha doin'?" he asks contritely giving me a slight nudge with his foot.
I glare at him. "Sitting alone listening to silence," I mutter. For emphasis I use the broom handle to push him away.
Boyfriend tempts fate and my patience. He hands me a folded piece of paper before walking away whistling, rubbish bags in hand. I unfold the paper. It is my list. On it Boyfriend has written 'I AGREE TO DO ALL THE CHORES ASKED OF ME'.

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